Our life doesn’t need to be flawless to be the best version of itself

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing

I knew the quote well. My brain has been stacked with similar advice from different sources. But instead of believing in it, my brain seemed to reject it. It keeps telling me that every step I take should be foolproof before I even take the first one. I should never open a door which I am not sure what’s hidden behind.

My life should be perfectly shaped — no crack, no error, no failure.

I grew up thinking that I should have everything other people think was good. it was the only evidence I believed was the strong reason for me to do things. I should go to the best school, have the best grades, and have the characters they consider good. Never cursing, never dating, and never many things. I don’t say it was bad, but it shouldn’t be avoided only for the reason of making your life have no flaws.

I’ve been chased by the image of me being like a white silk without any taints on it. But recently, I did something that wasn’t expected at all. I threw my pen when my anger peaked while I was writing. The moment after it happened, I resented myself a lot, thinking that I’d tainted myself. I wasn’t pure anymore, I wasn’t whole, I felt disgusted, ashamed like I had somehow broken myself. I’ve broken the image I had spent my entire life building.

But then, something shifted.

I’ve been trying to understand my emotions for the past year, learning how to sit with them instead of running from them. And at that moment, I realized this was part of the process.

A very bad experience, yes. But one that forced me to re-evaluate my beliefs. That moment taught me more than any rule can. if I hadn’t experienced it, I wouldn’t know how that anger felt, how it takes over, how it doesn’t solve anything. I wouldn’t have realized throwing something in frustration doesn’t provide relief — it only makes the situation worse.

Now I see it for what it really is my ‘new’ failure. Amy C. Edmondson, in Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well, defines “new” failures as failures occurring as part of a journey to accomplish a goal never before achieved. And for me, that goal is learning to navigate my emotions

That was a mistake I shouldn’t repeat, but making it part of my learning. And I now have something to learn from. Something to reflect on. A chance to figure out how to handle my emotions better next time.

Maybe the goal isn’t to stay in a perfect circle — but to become a mosaic of lessons, experiences, and growth. Isn’t a mosaic far more interesting? Each piece, each crack, and each color can tell a story. Isn’t that more beautiful?

Resources: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/101162068-right-kind-of-wrong